Change Is Hard
“Three weeks ago, I had to face one of the most difficult tasks as director of our home.”
Abraham (name changed for privacy) came to Kingdom Kids Klub under heartbreaking circumstances. He was rejected by his village and brought to the children’s home after being accused of witchcraft. There, he found safety and healing, but just a few months later, he would face another tragedy: losing his mother.
Change is difficult for everyone, but for orphans and vulnerable children, it can be even harder. In 2022, AFCARS (Adoption and Foster Care Analysis and Reporting System) estimated that children in the United States spend an average of about 2 years in foster care. 36% of children spend even longer. For children in the US and countries around the world, this means countless transitions, from their biological homes to foster placements, children’s homes, and extended families.
These transitions are not easy; they can affect children physically and emotionally. Caregivers, therapists, social workers, and family members all play a role in helping children during these transition periods.
Understanding the Emotional Impact of Transitions
When we talk about how hard change is, it’s important to understand what’s really happening. When children experience change and transition, it can affect them in several ways:
- Lack of Familiarity: When children leave familiar people, places, and routines, this can increase their fear and insecurity.
- Past Trauma: Children who have experienced trauma, like abuse or losing loved ones can experience more anxiety during transition periods.
- Attachment Disruptions: Changes in primary caregivers can upset a child’s ability to trust and bond with caregivers.
This emotional impact can manifest in disruptive behavior like resistance, anger, and detachment.
Common Transition Points and Challenges
For orphans and vulnerable children, these common transition points can be triggers that impact their futures.
1. Moving into a Foster Home
When a child moves into a children’s home or a new foster home, they bring with them the struggles of their past. While some homes are connected with therapy services, many are not. Caregivers and foster parents can take trauma-informed training courses to help children build trust and adjust to new rules and dynamics.
2. Starting at a New School
Attending a new school is a common challenge for children of all backgrounds. This new environment can lead to increased anxiety, both socially and academically. If a child has had instability in their academic career, they may need extra help and support catching up.
3. Entering an Adoptive Family
When a child is adopted, they often struggle with a deep fear of permanence or loss. Sometimes they are excited about having a family, but leaving the hope of their biological family behind creates more anxiety. Or they feel like they’ve found their “forever family” but still worry they might lose them. They also have to redefine who they are and how they fit into this new environment.
Helping children through these transitions means helping heal their broken hearts.
Helping Children Through Difficult Transitions
There are many things you can do to help ease the transition for children, but here are just a few suggestions:
Prioritize Predictability and Routine
Routines are an effective way to promote security and relationships. This helps create structure and familiarity in a new environment. You can also provide a daily schedule or visual aids.
Involve the Child in the Process
One of the rights in the United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child is the Right to Be Heard and Participate in Decisions. Children deserve to be involved according to their age and ability. Offering choices when possible can help them have a sense of control.
You can also encourage them to pack personal items like a favorite toy, photo, or blanket.
Create Familiarity Before the Move
If the option is available, arranging visits to the new school or home can help children get familiar before a change is permanent. Introducing them to new people gradually can also help. This might include teachers, friendly students, adoptive parents, or future siblings.
Keeping in contact with previous caregivers, teachers, or friends can also make transitions easier. It’s also important to make sure this contact is safe and appropriate.
Be Honest and Age-Appropriate in Communication
Honesty is truly the best policy when it comes to communication. You should still use language the child understands, but it’s important to explain changes clearly and avoid making promises you can’t keep. This will protect the child from harm during times of uncertainty.
Make sure to give them time to ask questions and express concerns.
Provide Ongoing Emotional Support
If available, connect children with trauma-informed therapists. Trauma doesn’t always come from devastating events. According to the American Psychological Association, “Trauma is an emotional response to a terrible event”. It’s an emotional response to something that overwhelms an individual’s ability to cope.
Children handle trauma differently, and some may experience deep struggles with something that may seem small, like attending a new school.
Maintaining a space for safe conversation can help children feel heard and talk about fears and emotions.
The Role of Caregivers, Educators, and Social Workers
The influence of loving caregivers, directors, teachers, social workers, and adoptive/foster families can change these children’s lives.
The director and youth at Kingdom Kids Klub are great examples of this influence. When Abraham, the young boy who was accused of witchcraft, found out that his mother died, this is what the director shared: “I called Abraham to my office, wondering how to soften such cruel news for a child who had already endured so much. The weight of responsibility felt overwhelming as I watched him enter, still unaware of what awaited him. How do you tell a child, already rejected by his community under false accusations, that he has now lost his mother?
When I broke the news, Abraham stood frozen, his young face a canvas of disbelief before crumpling into grief. No child should ever have to bear such pain.
What happened next reminded me why our work matters so deeply. The older children, many with their own stories of loss and pain, immediately rallied around Abraham. They formed a protective circle around him, sharing their own stories of grief and survival.
Thankfully, this happened during the mid-term break, allowing us to arrange for Abraham to return to his village for the funeral. A small group of our older children volunteered to accompany him—a testament to the family they’ve formed here despite their different backgrounds.
He returned after a few days. He was quiet, his eyes still reflecting his loss. But he wasn’t alone. His siblings at our center surrounded him with a love that transcends blood relations.
As I resumed work, on one of the days I found Abraham sitting with two other boys, sharing stories and smiling. He has a beautiful smile and I know he misses his mother, but for now, he has me and our caregivers who have been very supportive.
We know the journey of grief is long, and Abraham has only taken his first steps. But we trust in God, the father of the fatherless, to heal Abraham’s heart and guide his path forward.”
How Will You Help Them?
Children deserve to feel safe, loved, and secure. Helping them feel that way in transitory periods is no small task, but when we work together, we can make it happen.
Join together with hundreds of other people who want to help improve care for children and help them grow up in families. Join the Thrive Collective today for community, training, and change.